Blogging While Paused

Forest life rocks. You don’t know how awesome it is to live in a jungle. It’s amazing. The only thing better then living in the jungle is a side scrolling game. You may think I’m a bit off the wall with this, but I’m serious. Side scrolling is great, I don’t see why they don’t do more of it. Just because you can have a three dimensional world doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, Donkey Kong 64 was an amazing game, but I’m still a big fan of the classics. The first original Donkey Kong Country was one of the greatest games to grace the world. (Just because I am a bias source doesn’t mean my opinion is useless!)

Those were the good old days, riding rhinos, swinging on vines, collecting banananananananas… Ah, bananas! I love bananas. I’m not happy with these new gigs that my agent is throwing my way… Donkey Kong-a? Get real! It’s like a bunch of drunk PR people came up with the “cute” (read: very not cute) idea to use my name as some sort of sick pun. My agent, being the kind hearted moron he is, signed up me up then goes to tell me that this game is going to take off like a NASA rocket! He was dead wrong, what more can I say.

Actually, I think the biggest problem came when Microsoft bought our Rare. I tell you, I had around 6 dozen apes and gorillas with picket signs trying to boycott the deal. We had internet campaigns and a ton of TV ads, the problem is first that apes and monkeys don’t watch TV or use the Internet. The second problem is that Microsoft doesn’t listen to animals, even if the Animals are capable of developing better software… …please don’t send me hate mail… …I really didn’t mean that.

Well, I’m off to go throw my drums in the trash… again…

Okay folks, I need to set some stuff straight. After my last post I have been flooded with email asking me if I am depressed, offering moral support, giving me yellow ribbon cards and trying to sell me watches. I’m not suicidal, I’m not sick of life, I was just a bit lonely.

I like my job, I really do! I got around to sitting and listening the other day and I have come to the conclusion that the best part of my life, is the music. The music I get to listen to on a day to day basis, is absolutely amazing. It’s incredible. Even the pause music is so great that I could listen to it for hours. (Okay, so maybe I have no choice but to listen to the pause music for hours, but that doesn’t make it any less good!)

Music is a big part of my life and I bet it’s a big part of your life too! Music is one thing that really keeps me going. The theme to Talon Overworld, I was paused in Talon Overworld for 3 and a half hours yesterday. I got so lost in that music that I felt like I was only paused for 15 minutes. I’m totally serious, it’s amazing.

Now, granted, when I’m sitting here in the original Metroid and I have been paused for 45 minutes, well it’s getting a bit long. Not a whole lot to listen too, and even the music that might be accessible, repeats ever 21 seconds.

Oooh! Looks like Jr. is coming back, time to go fight some baddies! Catch you laters!

Man, I am fast. You think you’re fast? You think beating Twilight Princess in under 30 hours is fast? Well I so totally have you beat! I am the king of fast. I am so fast it’s not even funny. That’s right, I am faster the humor!!!!

I’m just whippin’ around corners, yippee! How many people do you know, that can start out the race in 20th place and be in 1st by the end of lap one? Yeah, that’s me. Did you see my last race? Did ya? Did ya? It was amazing, if I do say so myself. I am sweet. That’s all I gotta say.

The best racing game on the planet is F-Zero, and there ain’t no buts about that. You think Mario Kart is a racing game? Think again. It puts me to sleep. It’s kinda like all these new “action” movies that are coming out. They are far to slow. They take like a whole half second to change camera angles, it’s awful. I’m sitting there in the movie theater going… “Okay… can they change the camera angle yet? Anytime now…” and then finally, I have to wait another second or half a second and the camera angle changes.

I am like, the fastest game character in the world. It rocks. Some people think Sonic, is fast, but I am so much faster then Sonic. Granted, I must say that Sonic has a cool “blue and red” color theme going for him, (my personal favorite) but you put the two of us on a track, and… well… the only conclusion is that I would win. That’s all there is too it. Why? Because I am fast!

Yeah, so the last race was rockin’ good fun. This next race is going to be awesome too. As soon as I get unpaused… …Which is… like… TAKING FOREVER… sheesh… it’s been a whole two minutes… come on, come on, come on, come on!!!! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!

Hey, Gotta Race! Laters!