Blogging While Paused

By Royal Decree, I declare that a tournament of Avalanche shall be held, in my honor. The rules shall be simple, when you meet with anyone, you shall challenge them to a game of Avalanche. The winner of that game will be eligible to continue on, until they have come, undefeated, to me. Where I will then pummel him into the ground.

Should I actually be beaten in this game, the winner shall receive the largest trophy ever commissioned in the land, as well as a monetary prize that shall be paid out in the game currency of the winner.

Let the games commence!

After reading Bowser’s post from a while back I have been thinking about things. There are a lot of bosses out there that are simply too easy. Too weak. Too pathetic. And I think we should really do something about this. First of all, it gives us Boss folk a bad reputation for being pathetically egotistical. As if we all assume that we are the greatest ever, some of us know we aren’t but would just like to be.

Also, it’s an insult to the gamer to make bosses that are easily slaughtered. A good boss should send the gamer away crying that he lost a handful of times before the boss is actually beaten. Double that when it comes to the final boss. Bosses are meant to be big challenges that push the gamer to new heights of their gaming career. If the gamer comes in and kills a boss right away they don’t learn anything. Also, the game is less of a challenge.

I think that most bosses should be fought 3-5 times before they are beaten. This allows a time or two for the gamer to get use to the bosses fighting style and weaknesses, and then another time or two for the gamer to perfect his moves.

If bosses are made to look like pathetic pushovers, what will that teach gamers about real life? I mean, if you come across a fire-breathing dragon in the middle of a volcano that is easily clobbered with a hammer in a video game, it doesn’t teach you much about how easily a volcano-dwelling, fire-breathing dragon is going to react in real life. I mean, it’s going to take a lot more then a hammer and a lot more hitting of the dragon to kill it. We need bosses to be more realistic.

This is something I want to try to focus on for these next year. Once a month I propose that the bosses get together and give tips on how to be better at being a boss. If we learn from each other we might be able to do a better job at not only supporting the reputation of the bosses, but also giving the gamers what they deserve. A quick and timely death! (Editors note: “The views expressed in the article do not necessarily reflect the views of BWP.”)

WAHAHAHA!

The internet is so much fun! I love it! I truly love it! Today I went on the internet and found all these really cool games that involved falling down stairs, launching stick-figures, poking cats, defending castles and flying helicopters!

The wealth of knowledge on the internet is amazing! But the craziest thing is that people are giving away these games for free! For FREE I say! Don’t these people realize anything about game selling? They could be making fortunes right now! I would gladly pay $10 an hour to poke virtual cats!

Since everyone seems to be giving these games away, I figure I will simply steal them …er… borrow them… and put them in my next WarioWare game! It’s absolutely brilliant! I won’t have to think of a single thing myself, I can simply take all the fun games that people already play and package them all together in one easily overpriced affordable bundle!

If anyone else has a great idea for a game, let me know! I would be more then happy to add it to my collection of games! This is going to be perfect! Wonderful! WAHAHAHA!  Thank you all!

This is really starting to bother me. Yoshi and I are good pals, we go way back, but recently I have heard a rumor that more people think that Yoshi is cuter than I am. Now I am pretty darn cute and I’m not saying Yoshi isn’t, it’s just that… well, I don’t think he could ever be as cute as I am. Here’s why:

1. Yoshi is green. Look at the poor kid, with a body that green you can’t help but feel sorry for him. green is just a hard color to love.
2. Yoshi has a big nose. Has anyone taken a moment to look at Yoshi’s nose? You can’t miss it, even if you wanted too! It’s the size of a walrus! I know he can’t help it, but I mean, it’s just far too large to be cute.
3. Yoshi wears a saddle. This indicates that Yoshi is meant to be ridden as a beast of burden. Oxen and donkeys are beasts of burden. They usually are filthy creatures and never seen as cute. A cute creature is something that doesn’t do work. That’s how we stay cute, we stay out of the mud and away from filthy islands.

Okay, so maybe I’m a little jealous about Yoshi having his own island, but I can get over that, because I’m super cute and he isn’t, right?

Am I right? Or is this too egotistical of me? Comment below and let me know who’s cuter.

If anyone is up for a game of Avalanche give me a call. It’s been awhile since I’ve played and boy, I really need my fix.

Peach, I’m sorry to say it, but that is the worst idea ever. No one is ever going to need to save Mario, ever. And that’s that… well… okay, there was that one time in… oh, and that other time… …when I was missing… …man, I forgot all about that… …those were good times…

But back to my point, no one is going to think that that is a good game. I mean, even the name is clunky and hard to say: “Super Peach World”? Please! Spare me!

Besides, we’ve moved beyond the realm of castles now, we’re in the space age now! We have whole universes to explore, not just lame old castles. You’ll have your time to play golf and tennis and Olympic games, and racing.

Leave the people saving to the professionals.

I had an idea for a new game the other day. Call it Super Peach World. Here’s the concept. Mario, while fighting Bowser, gets kidnapped and taken to a castle, and then Princess Peach, (that’s me!), has to fight through 8 levels of castles to save Mario from the Evil Bowser.

This game would be amazing! It would be much better than most Mario games.

Mario games make me look ditzy. I keep getting caught by Bowser, and I have to be rescued. Well, I’m not a fragile little statue! Have you seen me in Smash Bros? I am a death machine!

In fact, just last week I was in a match against Mega Bowser, and I defeated him single handedly. Which is more than I can say for Mario one of my “Allies” against Mega Bowser.

I know I can do this! Just give me a chance! Why can’t I save the day once?