Blogging While Paused

All right, so there are these things called hacks out there, all right? They change how a game works. See, the problem with that doesn’t really come into play for you gamers. Sure, it might mess up your game a bit, crash the console, whatever, but think of us for once, okay? Next time you want to change how I look so you can play as someone who looks a bit like Jeff, don’t, all right? His glasses are so thick that they stop bullets in mid-flight. My eyes hurt for hours afterwards. I mean, sure, if you want different music options and the like, fine, be my guest. We need more music. But for the love of all things holy, stop messing with us characters. We work our butts off daily to give you gamers a good time, usually by beating each other up. We’d really appreciate you making  [ Read More ]

That fight at New Pork City was quite a fiasco. I was doing great for the first part of it! I managed a hit with a full-power PK Flash, recovered a bunch of damage thanks to a Fire Flower I saw coming, and got a Final Smash in! I even managed to grab a Pokéball from behind Sonic’s back. He thought he had it, but he grabbed a Deku Nut instead. He was pretty close to Kirby when he threw, so they were both left reeling, and I just couldn’t stop myself from laughing. But that was probably a mistake on my part. I was getting some pretty fierce looks from both of them after that, and before I knew it, they were ganging up on me. I’ve… never had a real appreciation for how fast Sonic is until that moment in time. I mean, he doesn’t really have any  [ Read More ]

My parents sent me to “Spring Camp”. What a joke. You know what Spring Camp means in English? Eight weeks outside in the cold in northern Canada that ends right as spring begins. Our instructor wouldn’t even show us how to make fire until we proved ourselves “trustworthy” by doing meaningless activities first. “Oh, well,” I thought, “at least I’m away from school for a while.” My parents mailed me my homework. Lessons and tests, too. Can you imagine taking a test while being lost in a frozen forest without anything more to eat than trail mix and no fire? And PK Fire wasn’t any help until a sufficient amount of snow melted, and by then all my Psi Points were gone! I’ve never been happier to be back in school again. Of course, I checked up on this site as soon as I got back. It looks like Mario  [ Read More ]

I am really irritated. Ever since Earthbound for the Super Nintendo, I’ve been campaigning for some sort of sequel. I mean, Earthbound is a really fun game and I think it has a lot of potential. Nintendo promised me a game for the N64. They gave me music and showed me video clips of this new game they were making for me. Turns out, they were really just showing me Donkey Kong 64 footage to keep me off their backs. I’ve suggested Earthbound Cubed, Earthbound Advance, Earthbound DS and Earthbound Wii. Each time Nintendo nods politely, like a grown up listening to a little child tell a story and tells me that they plan to save a spot for me in Smash Bros. I’ve even approached other companies to try to pitch Earthbound PSP and Earthbound 360. Even Dreamcast turned me down. I say it’s time to chop off Mario  [ Read More ]