Blogging While Paused

I like to think I’m a pretty good fisherman. I caught the record-breaking fish at the local pond, and the owner is pretty good himself. That sounds like it says something. But even pros have mishaps sometimes, and this one almost makes me feel like I never had any idea what I was doing. See, the owner keeps the biggest fish ever caught (mine) in a tank on the front counter. I stood ready to cast, with my back to the counter. Somehow, I let the line go on the back-swing. The owner dodged it like a ninja, but it landed in that tank. If that wasn’t ridiculous enough, the fish took the bait. As a kind of reflex, I jerked on the rod trying to get it out of there. I set the hook by mistake. So now, here I was with my biggest fish ever hooked in a  [ Read More ]

Has anyone seen Navi around here? I’m trying to stay clear of her as much as I can right now… I mean, she just does NOT stop talking when she gets going lately! Just because I don’t say much doesn’t mean I want to hear EVERYTHING going on in her mind! Eh, but enough about that… I’ve been having days where I feel like I’ve been reduced to nothing more than a delivery boy. I mean, I don’t really mind gathering mystical artifacts to bring them to a holy location. Getting to travel around like that is really cool, and I really love checking out all the ancient temples and everything. Sure, there are monsters lurking around the corners, but once you learn to deal with them, it’s surprisingly peaceful down there. But what I was getting at is the fact that I’ve had to run around bringing things to  [ Read More ]

That is so typical Mario. You are so pretentious. You think you are this great big huge amazing guy. Just because you’ve been around so long, you think your all that. Well, your not. Well, at least, I don’t think you are. First off, if you had any clue as to how to treat your enemies you wouldn’t have to worry about them kidnapping the princess every 37 minutes. When fighting your enemies: Use a weapon! Bouncing on their head is not going to stop them. Trust me, you need a sword, or a boomerang, or a bomb, or a slingshot, or for pete’s sake man, even a net would do. Yeah, yeah, I know, you finally got up the courage to pick up a squirt gun. I’m sure that scared off all the 2nd graders that had kidnapped the princess. Stop playing golf with the person who is responsible  [ Read More ]

Ness, I think the reason you have completely failed as a franchise has several reasons. First, you are like, 8 years old. No one want’s to play as an 8 year old kid when they could play as a dashing and handsome young adult with a sword and a horse. I mean, how can you pass up someone as good looking as me? But I think more importantly than that, your plotline is so stereotypical it can’t get much lamer. “When the chosen boy reaches the point, he will find the light. The passing of time will shatter the nightmare rock and will reveal thee path of light.” Whoop-de-do. You are the chosen one. If you’re not one of the first people to the table with this idea, you’re seen as passe. I managed to get in before the door shut, but banging your head against the door won’t open  [ Read More ]

Oh man, I hardly want to move anymore. This music is just so… out of my world… I was hanging around my house today, listening to the classic Zelda themes, Kakariko Village, Hyrule Field, Water Temple, you know, all the good ones. When the Post Man shows up with a package for me. Turns out Samas is sending out some complimentary music CDs of Metroid music. This music is insane! It’s amazing. I mean, I’m extremely partial to Zelda Music, full orchestration, remixes and even the midis. But when I started listening to Metroid stuff… it was so different, it was so… …I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like I just fall into this trance-like groove and time holds perfectly still. I can’t do anything while listening to this music (like doing dishes, riding Epona, killing monsters…) but I really don’t seem to care. It’s like a large  [ Read More ]

Okay, I need help. Major help. If anyone is even remotely capable of holding and firing a bow and arrow, please contact me ASAP! I’ve been riding around Hyrule Field for 45 minutes trying to give Zelda a good shot at Ganon. BUT SHE NEVER DID!!! “I’m too far away!” or “It’s too bumpy!” or “It’s not the right angle…” IT’S NEVER GOING TO BE A FREAKING PERFECT ANGLE!!! JUST SHOOT THE MAN!!! Okay, I’ll admit it. I lost my temper. I was pretty far gone, and I really should have stepped back and counted to 10. But I didn’t, and you know what? You know what she did? Do you know, what SHE DID to me? She shot me! She Shot ME! Right in the back of the head. Point Blank. SHE SHOT ME!I just can’t believe she shot me!!! “Well, if I’m not good enough, do it yourself.”  [ Read More ]

Let Hyrule rot. Let the light world be taken over by darkness. I don’t care. You know why I don’t care? Because no one else does! These fairy people are starting to get on my nerves. I’m working my way down into the cave of ordeals, and it’s those blasted fairies! You talk to them, and their all like “Hey, I never expected you to make it this far. Good job though! If you want to start over, let me know!” What?!?! Is this the first fairy that doesn’t refill your health? At least partially? I’m the freaking Hero of Light, and you can’t even refill my health!?!? If you want me to save your pathetic little planet, it might help to show me a little courtesy. And what’s so magic about the number eight? Why do fairies refill 8 hearts? Why not 10? Why not all your health? I  [ Read More ]

I’m not going to lie. I’m pretty well lost right now. The water temple confuses me to no end. I just don’t get it. I had the water lowered, finally figured out how to raise it, only to find that I needed it lowered. Once I get it lowered I discover that I need it in the middle, and once it’s at the half way point, I realize that I forgot to get something when  the water was lowered, which means I have to raise the water again to lower it. By the time I get here I have no recollection of what rooms I have been in, and what rooms I still need to go through. And these stupid jumping spiders keep coming back… grr… I’ve been at this for 3 hours now… I don’t know… it’s just not working… … … maybe I need a walkthrough…

This is stupid. I’m sorry, but this kids a moron. Here I am, in the shadow temple, you would think he has a slight clue on how to actually play this game, seeing as he go this far to begin with. But no, let’s throw me off that cliff a few times, yeah, like I can make that jump! HELLO!!! YOU DON’T HAVE THE STINKIN’ HOVER BOOTS YET!! Kids these days. I almost glad when Navi starts talking to him, I mean, I don’t really wish Navi on anyone, but boy, this kid is really clueless. And now, here I am, dangling on the edge of this cliff while he just takes off and eats lunch. Sheesh, the least you think he could do is pull me up so I could rest my arms. Maybe he won’t come back, then his older brother can come and we can actually get  [ Read More ]