Running Hyrule while some kid in a green tunic is ruining your plans is not simple. Especially when you go through all the trouble of releasing those things.

Have you ever tried to revive an ancient fire dragon while at the same time trying to organize your minions? Or release a monster amoeba to freeze a race of people under a block of ice?

It isn’t easy. And when the hero comes and destroys all the work you’ve done, it’s aggravating. There are a lot of times where I wish I could have just gone out to find Link before he had what it took to defeat me. But I was always busy with other things. If it wasn’t letting yet another monster out, it was making sure all of my minions were in the right place.

And there’s another thing. Building the dungeons. It’s costly. If not by money, by your resources. If I had my way, Link would have to go through a hundred dungeons before even thinking about being able to fight me.

You’d think that having taken over the land, you wouldn’t have to worry about how much money you’re using. But the workers refuse to give me anything without mind numbing prices! And I can’t just kill them because I can’t get all those resources myself!

And then building the places takes even more time! And once the hero gets in there, he starts destroying walls, killing all the minions I assigned to the place, and defeating the monster I had set free there! And don’t even get me started on my castle. Almost every time, I have to build it from scratch. And I have to make sure it’s menacing, but at the same time, elegant. It costs a lot to get so much red carpet to place on the stairs.

Also, it’s an insult to the gamer to make bosses that are easily slaughtered. A good boss should send the gamer away crying that he lost a handful of times before the boss is actually beaten. Double that when it comes to the final boss. Bosses are meant to be big challenges that push the gamer to new heights of their gaming career. If the gamer comes in and kills a boss right away they don’t learn anything. Also, the game is less of a challenge.

I think that most bosses should be fought 3-5 times before they are beaten. This allows a time or two for the gamer to get use to the bosses fighting style and weaknesses, and then another time or two for the gamer to perfect his moves.

If bosses are made to look like pathetic pushovers, what will that teach gamers about real life? I mean, if you come across a fire-breathing dragon in the middle of a volcano that is easily clobbered with a hammer in a video game, it doesn’t teach you much about how easily a volcano-dwelling, fire-breathing dragon is going to react in real life. I mean, it’s going to take a lot more then a hammer and a lot more hitting of the dragon to kill it. We need bosses to be more realistic.

This is something I want to try to focus on for these next year. Once a month I propose that the bosses get together and give tips on how to be better at being a boss. If we learn from each other we might be able to do a better job at not only supporting the reputation of the bosses, but also giving the gamers what they deserve. A quick and timely death! (Editors note: “The views expressed in the article do not necessarily reflect the views of BWP.”)