I’ve be giving advice to a lot of horrible mayors for 35 years now, and I could do better than any one of them. I mean, I know all there is to know about the people in the city. I could talk for hours and hours about crime, pollution, fire, earthquakes, floods and what-not. But for some reason, I just can’t get elected. Maybe it’s the 44 hour speech seminars that I hold all the time in my campaigns for mayor. Yep, they must be a key factor in my loosing. I’ll go for 88 hour seminars next time.

Or could it be… I’m not popular. Let’s see here: Bad hair style, goofy colored hair, ugly tie, lame suit, enormous nose, crappy mustache, wide and misplaced ears,  beedy little eyes, bottle neck glasses… and I’m short. Not 5’7’’ short, 4’2’’ short. Well, that plus my annoying voice, endless stuttering, random fainting in front of crowds, random fainting for no reason, selfish look at life, and often giving speeches in ancient Greek, says one thing. I must be super popular.

So that says there’s only one way my competition is wining. They cheat. No wonder Waluigi got 69.9 times as many votes as me last election. Or how Bowser got 100% in four elections in a row, even though the world was telling him he was the worst mayor ever; he still has the “Worst leader of any kind” award in his house. Or that I lost to a Pikmin in the last election. By a long shot. It got 84% of votes, I got 2% and the no-longer-running Bowser got 14%. Maybe it would be better if more people than just me and one other “person” ran for mayor.

I know what I must do… I will… without a shadow of a shadow of a doubt… do the logical thing. I’m running for president of the United States of America in year 2008. Raise taxes, stop paying for cops, no more road repair, no more government jobs. It will be great.

Doctor Wright for President! My slogan… “Way better than the rest of these derelicts, that’s for sure.”