Blogging While Paused

Dr. Wright. You must be the new Mayor! Let’s practice our city building techniques by building a Power Plant and then adding Residential, Commercial, and Industrial zones. Next, connect all zones with power and then add roads for the residents to travel on.

I’m sorry, but your plans for the city have failed. The residents are demanding a new Mayor as your city is in great disorder. Let’s think about what went wrong in your master plan and try again.

The nuclear power plant has had a core melt down! Radioactive particles have made parts of your city uninhabitable. Bulldoze the affected area and rebuild your city using uncontaminated land.

The citizens of your city need jobs! Build Commercial or Industrial zones closer to Residential zones and check the transportation grid to make sure your mass transit lines are used efficiently.

If the tax rate is too high, the residents will move to other cities. Most of the residents feel that a 7% tax rate is fair.

Enough is enough! You’re the one getting all the game and glory around here. You should be the one who makes the decisions. Remember, electiosn are just around the corner!

You know what is really, really stupid. That I’m not mayor.

I’ve be giving advice to a lot of horrible mayors for 35 years now, and I could do better than any one of them. I mean, I know all there is to know about the people in the city. I could talk for hours and hours about crime, pollution, fire, earthquakes, floods and what-not. But for some reason, I just can’t get elected. Maybe it’s the 44 hour speech seminars that I hold all the time in my campaigns for mayor. Yep, they must be a key factor in my loosing. I’ll go for 88 hour seminars next time.

Or could it be… I’m not popular. Let’s see here: Bad hair style, goofy colored hair, ugly tie, lame suit, enormous nose, crappy mustache, wide and misplaced ears,  beedy little eyes, bottle neck glasses… and I’m short. Not 5’7’’ short, 4’2’’ short. Well, that plus my annoying voice, endless stuttering, random fainting in front of crowds, random fainting for no reason, selfish look at life, and often giving speeches in ancient Greek, says one thing. I must be super popular.

So that says there’s only one way my competition is wining. They cheat. No wonder Waluigi got 69.9 times as many votes as me last election. Or how Bowser got 100% in four elections in a row, even though the world was telling him he was the worst mayor ever; he still has the “Worst leader of any kind” award in his house. Or that I lost to a Pikmin in the last election. By a long shot. It got 84% of votes, I got 2% and the no-longer-running Bowser got 14%. Maybe it would be better if more people than just me and one other “person” ran for mayor.

I know what I must do… I will… without a shadow of a shadow of a doubt… do the logical thing. I’m running for president of the United States of America in year 2008. Raise taxes, stop paying for cops, no more road repair, no more government jobs. It will be great.

Doctor Wright for President! My slogan… “Way better than the rest of these derelicts, that’s for sure.”

The pollution has gotten out of hand. Eventually the land value will drop and the crime rate will rise. To prevent this, why don’t you spread out your Industrial zones and keep them away from the Airport.

Abandon Ship! A ship has crashed somewhere! Let’s find out what happened and repair any damage it may have caused.

The crime rate will be higher in areas where the land value is low or the population density is high. Check the map and make sure police stations are distributed so that they provide overlapping coverage in high crime areas.