Blogging While Paused

I always thought Nintendo was getting worse and worse with their new-fangled technologies coming out. I suppose I can understand adding more buttons to a controller, long as they’re all within easy reach. Not sure I’m ever gonna forgive ‘em for that broken-looking control stick they added on, or for the button hidden on the other side of that handle, but I guess they straightened it up a bit after that. But really, if they had to add even more buttons, shouldn’t they have at least kept them as buttons, instead of adding another control stick on the other side? Seriously, make up your minds, people! This next generation of consoles is going even further out of bounds, what with their clunky motion detection controls, and their fancy touch screens… When I was in my prime, touching the screen could get you thrown out of the arcade! And I tell  [ Read More ]

Picture this for a second: a set of graphics distinctly exclusive for video games, a simple set of two buttons, title screens that come up in a second without lengthy intros, and more variety than you can fit in six feet of sandwich. That’s right, I’m talking about the glory days of a system we now know as the Nintendo Entertainment System. Games released for the NES boasted simple design schemes, unnecessary uses for the Select button, ambiguous mysteries with single solutions and few clues, passwords, and instruction books you were actually expected (but not required) to read. As you can well guess, it was brilliantly put together. Choosing a set of five best here is not an easy task, and if any of you ingrates actually know five games from this time, feel free to formulate a top five of your own. As for this old monkey, I’ve chosen  [ Read More ]

It’s that time once again. Cranky Kong here, bringing you the greatest of the latest with the top five Gamecube games in circulation. The Gamecube is beginning to bear some semblance of me: it’s getting old, it’s getting tired, and Nintendo thinks it’s time for it to retire. Not being quite as energetic as me, the ol’ system has decided to step down, meaning no new games are being produced for it. However, with the list officially complete, that means I get to make your judgment for you and pick the five most meaningful meaningless games it has! Where I thought the Nintendo 64 was bad, the Gamecube got even worse. Instead of giving up and going back to the reliable methods of the previous age, the programmers followed through on their endeavors and smoothed out their danged 3D workmanship. Characters could now have five fingers on each hand. In  [ Read More ]

So you thought I was kidding, did you? Well, take heart, because ol’ Cranky’s back with his comments and criticisms (but mostly criticisms) on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System and the best five games that new-since-’91 thing has to offer. I certainly didn’t like the SNES when it came out, believing that they were going completely radical with their fancy new graphics and such. Of course I was right; look at what that started. In retrospect, though, it’s definitely easier to enjoy than those new three dimensional puzzles they call games, because most of what’s there is pretty similar to what came before it. But didn’t it seem like a rip-off to you when they tried selling old games with new graphics? What could be more useless? (For more ranting, visit me in the original Donkey Kong Country game. And don’t press “B”.) The Super Nintendo was an era of  [ Read More ]

Well, I’d have had my suspicions if you told me this eight years ago, but I’d probably have believed you anyway: I’m actually MORE disgusted with the games they’re putting out now than the ones they came up with back then. Bright colors, smooth graphics, streaming media that plays orchestrated music, in-depth stories—it all just looks so unnecessary to me. I’ll never be swayed from my opinion that the older the game, the better it is (except of course that Donkey Kong is probably the best one of all time). Space Invaders and Jetpac are old favorites, and Sabre Wulf is about as high tech as this old monkey cares to get. However, even I have to admit that some of the old N64 games were better than this new generation that uses controls no scientist could figure out. I’m going to name what I believe are the best five  [ Read More ]