Blogging While Paused

Well, I’ve been a racer for quite a long time now, and I’ve seen my share of suspicious racers. A lot of them come out as clearly evil or just plain nuts, but there’s one guy who I just can’t shake this uneasy feeling about. He’s a fella who calls himself James McCloud.

Now at first I wasn’t sure what might be wrong with this guy. I never saw him without sunglasses, but that’s not too unusual. Still, I didn’t want to take my eyes off him. Then, at about the time I was ready to give up on finding out anything about him, who do I see for the first time? Who is it that dresses the same way he does? It’s a kid by the name of Fox McCloud.

Now, don’t think I thought it was him on sight. After all, James is a human, and Fox is, well, you know, anthropomorphic. Still, when I heard the kid’s name, I could tell there must be some kind of connection. I asked Fox if he had heard the name before, and he told me that was his dad’s name. His dead dad’s name.

This looked like a dry well to me. Can you imagine how awkward it would be to ask a fox if his dead dad was a human you’ve seen racing alongside you? Still, I felt like this deserved further investigation. I casually chatted with him and his crewmates, trying to subtly learn as much as I could. Turns out the James they knew dressed the same as Fox and always wore sunglasses, just like the James I know. But they also confirmed that he was a fox, not a human. I did get a little confused about how he died, whether it was a black hole or at the hands of some giant monkey thing, I—I don’t know.

After a number of trips back and forth for comparison I concluded that the racer James has been using looks very much like the ships the Star Fox team fly. The only difference is the way the wings are folded. Those Star Fox ships also happen to use the same kind of G-diffuser system that all our racers are required to use. I also found out from James that he has a young son that he’d like to get a racer for someday (but no way could I ask if that son was a fox, right?). Still, there are just enough holes here to keep me from deciding anything conclusive.

Finally, one last clue fell into my hands. I wasn’t snooping or spying to find this out; I just sort of came across it by accident. It turns out that just once, Fox saw his father, who saved him from a perilous situation. As soon as he was safe, his dad was gone. Others were around, but none of them saw him. He wasn’t transparent like a ghost. That’s the extent of what I know about it.

If all of this is a coincidence, it’s a very, very scary one.

Man, I am fast. You think you’re fast? You think beating Twilight Princess in under 30 hours is fast? Well I so totally have you beat! I am the king of fast. I am so fast it’s not even funny. That’s right, I am faster the humor!!!!

I’m just whippin’ around corners, yippee! How many people do you know, that can start out the race in 20th place and be in 1st by the end of lap one? Yeah, that’s me. Did you see my last race? Did ya? Did ya? It was amazing, if I do say so myself. I am sweet. That’s all I gotta say.

The best racing game on the planet is F-Zero, and there ain’t no buts about that. You think Mario Kart is a racing game? Think again. It puts me to sleep. It’s kinda like all these new “action” movies that are coming out. They are far to slow. They take like a whole half second to change camera angles, it’s awful. I’m sitting there in the movie theater going… “Okay… can they change the camera angle yet? Anytime now…” and then finally, I have to wait another second or half a second and the camera angle changes.

I am like, the fastest game character in the world. It rocks. Some people think Sonic, is fast, but I am so much faster then Sonic. Granted, I must say that Sonic has a cool “blue and red” color theme going for him, (my personal favorite) but you put the two of us on a track, and… well… the only conclusion is that I would win. That’s all there is too it. Why? Because I am fast!

Yeah, so the last race was rockin’ good fun. This next race is going to be awesome too. As soon as I get unpaused… …Which is… like… TAKING FOREVER… sheesh… it’s been a whole two minutes… come on, come on, come on, come on!!!! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!

Hey, Gotta Race! Laters!