I like to golf. Golfing is a good sport. You get to enjoy nature for what nature is, see the clouds, the trees, the birdies. You get to walk for several miles and shoot the breeze with your comrades. It is a great way to relax and have fun. If you’ve never tried it, I would suggest that you go out and give it a shot sometime. (Pun intended.) Or, if you don’t have a nice sunny day just go out and buy a Wii along with that obnoxious golf-club-shaped Wii-mote holder thingy and pretend that you are going to go golfing.

Golfing is a nice sport, and I don’t think any of you should be against it until you give it a try. True, it might not be up to par with some of your other favorite activities, such as saving the world from monsters that kill humans or evil demons that turn the world into the twilight zone, but it can still be fun if you let it be fun.

Just thought I’d give you all something to think about, or perhaps to swing for.

To be honest, I love the gig. I think it’s freaking hilarious to see the look on Mario’s face when he realizes… “oh not again.” I mean, my timing is perfect. It’s just like the punch line of a joke. Just when he’s about to go spend some quality time with Peach, BAM! I’m there, and I make him jump through somewhere between 38 and 120 hoops before he can see her.

I also love the Toadstools.  They rush around like caffeinated chickens with their heads cut off. It’s really funny. I’m not going to lie, I spend hours on YouTube just watching the Toadstools run around in circles like the world is going to end.

I mean, the kidnapping is usually all in good fun. Mario and I know how to get along, somedays I’m just in a really bad mood and really just want to make someone angry. But maybe the next day I’m over it and the two of us go out and play a round or two of tennis. It’s no big deal. It’s just the way I do things. I’m sure you understand.

So really, I don’t care if anyone thinks my gig is getting old. It’s usually the most fun thing I do. Nothing relieves stress like kidnapping a princess, let me tell you that. So hey, don’t look for me to stop. It’s kinda like Charlie Brown. He’d always run to the football and Lucy always pulls it away. Every time Mario gets close to Peach, I’m going to pull her away. Why? It’s fun and that’s all there is to it.

On top of that, the stars Mario needs to defeat me, are found in the pictures, in the castle. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what’s going on here!

Then there’s my “helpers.” If you can call them that. These stupid bimbos waddle around all over the place, just waiting to be stepped on. All it takes is one foot and “POP”! There goes another goober. I step on about 3 of the stupid things just on my way to the kitchen for afternoon snack! Like these things will ever stop anyone. Maybe they can “cute” him to death. Or maybe he’ll die laughing!

Then there’s a matter of hit points. You know how many hit points I have? Three. That’s right, three. Whoop-de-do! You know, I could stand to have 3 hit points, IF THERE WEREN’T BOMBS SURROUNDING MY ARENA!!! I mean, what’s up with that? Why in the world would I put BOMBS IN MY OWN ARENA!!! It’s not like Mario is going to run up and jump on them all by himself! I’m just totally asking to be killed. It’s like, “Hi, I’m a moron! Please kill me! Have a nice day!”

Gaaahh! I can’t take this anymore. I need to call my agent.