Blogging While Paused

Excuse me Cranky, but have you even picked up a Metroid game? I don’t think you have. I think you have an issue with the female video game characters. I think that is what your problem is.

 ”But the themes are very, very dark, not like sunny old Super Mario.”

Dark, you accuse me of having a “dark” theme? Excuse me, the entire HUMAN RACE IS BEING DESTROYED BY ENERGY SUCKING ALIENS!!!! That’ll make a great cheerful story. Yeah, “sunny old Super Mario,” unlike Mr. Mario, I’m not in the habit of spending my weekend golfing with beast who keeps steeling the princess. I don’t have a trust complex. I know who my enemies are and I kill them.

But what really irks me is this whole “dark” theme. What’s so dark about Super Metroid? You think “A Link to the Past” wasn’t dark? I thought the whole “Dark World” thing was really obvious. Fortunately for Mr. Linky, energy stealing aliens didn’t come and KILL EVERYONE OFF BEFORE HE GOT THERE!!! It’s not like I wanted to be stranded on a lone planet with millions of creatures trying to kill me.

Sure, I can see how the new Metroid Prime 2: Echos and maybe Prime 3: Corruption have a “darker” theme, but why not pick on Twilight Princess then? If that isn’t dark, I don’t know what is. I mean, it’s TWILIGHT for goodness sake.

“It didn’t have any dialog, and the puzzles had no real clues for you to figure them out.”

Super Metroid is totally a run around and shoot things game, there was nothing to figure out, unless you kept changing the controls and couldn’t remember what button did what. What more of a plot do you need? I mean, MegaMan just rand around shooting things for seemingly no good reason. Kirby goes around shoving everything he sets eyes on into his mouth (without washing it off first) what kind of plot is that? And I suppose you think that two monkeys can really take out an overweight crocodile by jumping on it’s head? I could have taken him out with 3 super misles. (I actually did once… that was… kinda fun.

Anyway, I think maybe you should actually play some of these games before you give your crappy opinion on them. Thanks for nothing.