Blogging While Paused

TIME Magazine, I would just like to take a moment to thank you for picking Super Mario Galaxy as the #4 game of 2007.

I would like to thank all of my co-characters including Peach and Bowser for helping to make this happen. I would also like to thank all the Lumens and Toads and Toadettes for their stunning performance in the intro scene. I think this was a masterful production and I think we did a great job. Thank you all and I look forward to making 2008 even better!

I would also like congratulate Link on his #7 place for Phantom Hourglass. Better luck next year kid!

Happy New Year all!

I dream about racing. It looks like so much fun, zipping around the track, jumping over banana peels, skidding around corners and boosting with mushrooms. It looks like a smashing good time, but it seems that I am always left on the sidelines to watch the matches.

I do like flying, I can zip around the sky and float freely in my cloud. Life is good, and peaceful. I don’t understand how you ground creatures can survive being trapped on the ground and al. Flying is a freedom that just can’t be explained, it has to be experienced.

I would imagine the same goes for racing, the thrill of the track is all in the moment, and describing it could be hard to do, but experience would describe it perfectly. I think everyone should try flying, it is jolly good fun. But I wish I could try racing, it really seems like a riot.

When I zip around in the sky, it’s hard to race with other friends because there are no set boundaries. We can try to race to a cloud, but the cloud is always shifting shapes on us, or disappearing before we get there. We can’t go in circles because there is nothing to give the circles bounds. It causes quite a dilemma for us sky critters.

Maybe someday we’ll be able to get karts and drive around the track like other people do. Until them I’ll just have to enjoy my sky freedom and dream about racing.

WAHAHAHA!

The internet is so much fun! I love it! I truly love it! Today I went on the internet and found all these really cool games that involved falling down stairs, launching stick-figures, poking cats, defending castles and flying helicopters!

The wealth of knowledge on the internet is amazing! But the craziest thing is that people are giving away these games for free! For FREE I say! Don’t these people realize anything about game selling? They could be making fortunes right now! I would gladly pay $10 an hour to poke virtual cats!

Since everyone seems to be giving these games away, I figure I will simply steal them …er… borrow them… and put them in my next WarioWare game! It’s absolutely brilliant! I won’t have to think of a single thing myself, I can simply take all the fun games that people already play and package them all together in one easily overpriced affordable bundle!

If anyone else has a great idea for a game, let me know! I would be more then happy to add it to my collection of games! This is going to be perfect! Wonderful! WAHAHAHA!  Thank you all!

This is really starting to bother me. Yoshi and I are good pals, we go way back, but recently I have heard a rumor that more people think that Yoshi is cuter than I am. Now I am pretty darn cute and I’m not saying Yoshi isn’t, it’s just that… well, I don’t think he could ever be as cute as I am. Here’s why:

1. Yoshi is green. Look at the poor kid, with a body that green you can’t help but feel sorry for him. green is just a hard color to love.
2. Yoshi has a big nose. Has anyone taken a moment to look at Yoshi’s nose? You can’t miss it, even if you wanted too! It’s the size of a walrus! I know he can’t help it, but I mean, it’s just far too large to be cute.
3. Yoshi wears a saddle. This indicates that Yoshi is meant to be ridden as a beast of burden. Oxen and donkeys are beasts of burden. They usually are filthy creatures and never seen as cute. A cute creature is something that doesn’t do work. That’s how we stay cute, we stay out of the mud and away from filthy islands.

Okay, so maybe I’m a little jealous about Yoshi having his own island, but I can get over that, because I’m super cute and he isn’t, right?

Am I right? Or is this too egotistical of me? Comment below and let me know who’s cuter.

Dear Mario,

I’ll be waiting for you at the castle on the night of the Star Festival. There’s something I’d like to give you.

From Peach.

Oh man, I hardly want to move anymore. This music is just so… out of my world…

I was hanging around my house today, listening to the classic Zelda themes, Kakariko Village, Hyrule Field, Water Temple, you know, all the good ones. When the Post Man shows up with a package for me. Turns out Samas is sending out some complimentary music CDs of Metroid music.

This music is insane! It’s amazing. I mean, I’m extremely partial to Zelda Music, full orchestration, remixes and even the midis. But when I started listening to Metroid stuff… it was so different, it was so… …I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like I just fall into this trance-like groove and time holds perfectly still. I can’t do anything while listening to this music (like doing dishes, riding Epona, killing monsters…) but I really don’t seem to care. It’s like a large dose of apathy hits me when this music starts.

I don’t know how you can focus with this stuff Samus, it’s really amazing music.

The crime rate will be higher in areas where the land value is low or the population density is high. Check the map and make sure police stations are distributed so that they provide overlapping coverage in high crime areas.

Okay, I need help. Major help. If anyone is even remotely capable of holding and firing a bow and arrow, please contact me ASAP! I’ve been riding around Hyrule Field for 45 minutes trying to give Zelda a good shot at Ganon. BUT SHE NEVER DID!!!

“I’m too far away!” or “It’s too bumpy!” or “It’s not the right angle…”

IT’S NEVER GOING TO BE A FREAKING PERFECT ANGLE!!! JUST SHOOT THE MAN!!!

Okay, I’ll admit it. I lost my temper. I was pretty far gone, and I really should have stepped back and counted to 10. But I didn’t, and you know what?

You know what she did? Do you know, what SHE DID to me?

She shot me!

She Shot ME! Right in the back of the head. Point Blank.

SHE SHOT ME!I just can’t believe she shot me!!!

“Well, if I’m not good enough, do it yourself.” She said. And she left.

BUT SHE SHOT ME!!!I don’t even think that she hesitated. I mean, I’m trying to save the world, nay, universe, and she shoots me! What’s up with that?

Anyway, I need help and I need help fast. I’ll be riding around Hyrule Field until someone shows up to help out.

Thanks much!

See here. And I am totally going to win. Not to say that no one else is any good, it’s just that, I am the fastest, and if Mario thinks he can keep up with me, well… that’s just not even physically possible. I can outrun his kart with ease, I routinely play frisbee by myself, I am so fast it isn’t even funny. So stand back Mario and watch a real runner go. Because I can run.

Crime Alert! The crime rate in the city is beyond acceptable levels. The residents want to reclaim their neighborhoods and are willing to take matters into their own hands. You better build some police stations fast!