Blogging While Paused

It happened again. I can’t stand when it happens—literally, I can’t! I’ve been paused in midair. It’s been happening to me since as long as I’ve been able to jump. Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve always enjoyed the whole jumping ability I’ve been granted. But I really don’t like it when I get paused on the way up or down. Does it sound like fun to defy gravity? It is… if, say, you do it right with a Wing Cap or some other method of flying. Sitting there suspended in the air without even being able to dangle is nauseating.

Super Mario 64 is where it really started to get irksome. Some folks heard me complain about how much more comfortable it would be if I could sit down while paused. Looking like you’re sitting down doesn’t help much while you’re in midair. And then came the worst of all: “Hey, let’s try pausing it while he’s upside down! That’ll look funny!” The horror.

Super Smash Bros. Melee brought a new dimension to it with that zoom in feature of pausing. People pausing to check out various cool poses just means I get paused in whole new angles to be observed. And the most horrible is when someone pauses to leave for an hour or two saying “Can I leave it paused ‘til we get back?” Of course, that’s not as bad if I’m on the ground, but think about it: how much more often do you pause in midair than on the ground?!

Super Mario Sunshine offers me some relief. You can’t pause at all unless my feet are planted solidly on the ground. Less people realize you can “pause” with the Z-Button any time in that game, but then at least I can read the brochure of Isle Delfino and not think about the lack of land beneath me. But, oh! I can only shudder as I anticipate what will happen in Super Mario Galaxy when it comes. Am I doomed to be paused while leaping across chasms with miles of nothingness between me and the ground below? The horror.