Blogging While Paused

I’m not going to lie. I’m pretty well lost right now. The water temple confuses me to no end. I just don’t get it. I had the water lowered, finally figured out how to raise it, only to find that I needed it lowered. Once I get it lowered I discover that I need it in the middle, and once it’s at the half way point, I realize that I forgot to get something when  the water was lowered, which means I have to raise the water again to lower it.

By the time I get here I have no recollection of what rooms I have been in, and what rooms I still need to go through.

And these stupid jumping spiders keep coming back… grr…

I’ve been at this for 3 hours now… I don’t know… it’s just not working… … … maybe I need a walkthrough…

I am ready to cry. I really am. I just want to break down and bawl for awhile. (Not to be confused with Brawl, which isn’t out yet…)

I have been paused for 3 weeks.

THREE (3) WEEKS!

I’ve been standing here, on the beach, for 3 weeks. That’s 21 days. That’s 504 hours. That’s 30240 minutes. Which is equvilent to 1814400. You wanna know how bored I am? I did all that math in my head! SIX TIMES!!! I’m tired, I’m hungry, I’m BORED OUT OF MY MIND, and I have a REALLY BAD SUNBURN!!!

Who leaves a game paused for 3 weeks?!?!? This is worse then solitary confinement. The first few hours were fun. I got to hang out here on the beach, soaking up the sun rays, enjoying the sound of the ocean. I started to worry at the 12 hour mark. After you’ve been paused for 12 or 16 hours, you begin to wonder, but you realize that you’ll probably be unpaused soon.

Little did I know, I would be spending THREE STINKING WEEKS paused. My skin is as red as my hat. This sun is deadly. This is like, “I’m going to need a new body,” bad.

I’m angry, I’m stinky, I haven’t slept in days. I’ve tried, I really have. At first I could, but I’ve been through so much, I just can’t take it anymore!!!

I ThInK I Am GoInG cRaZY!?!!!!

SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEE!!!

PLEASE!!!!

…somebody… … someone…

*sobs*

Forest life rocks. You don’t know how awesome it is to live in a jungle. It’s amazing. The only thing better then living in the jungle is a side scrolling game. You may think I’m a bit off the wall with this, but I’m serious. Side scrolling is great, I don’t see why they don’t do more of it. Just because you can have a three dimensional world doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Don’t get me wrong, Donkey Kong 64 was an amazing game, but I’m still a big fan of the classics. The first original Donkey Kong Country was one of the greatest games to grace the world. (Just because I am a bias source doesn’t mean my opinion is useless!)

Those were the good old days, riding rhinos, swinging on vines, collecting banananananananas… Ah, bananas! I love bananas. I’m not happy with these new gigs that my agent is throwing my way… Donkey Kong-a? Get real! It’s like a bunch of drunk PR people came up with the “cute” (read: very not cute) idea to use my name as some sort of sick pun. My agent, being the kind hearted moron he is, signed up me up then goes to tell me that this game is going to take off like a NASA rocket! He was dead wrong, what more can I say.

Actually, I think the biggest problem came when Microsoft bought our Rare. I tell you, I had around 6 dozen apes and gorillas with picket signs trying to boycott the deal. We had internet campaigns and a ton of TV ads, the problem is first that apes and monkeys don’t watch TV or use the Internet. The second problem is that Microsoft doesn’t listen to animals, even if the Animals are capable of developing better software… …please don’t send me hate mail… …I really didn’t mean that.

Well, I’m off to go throw my drums in the trash… again…